The Seven Dwarfs

Happy, Sleepy, Sneezy, Doc, Dopey, Bashful, and Grumpy. I wonder now if they were Disney's offhanded way of introducing feelings and personalities. I think I could find someone in my life that fits into the mold of one of these characters. Unfortunatly I think I would be Grumpy, and I'm not proud of that.

I don't know why I'm always grumpy. I think I'm taking after my mom. Not to say that she's not a great person. But more often then not she's in a bad mood. And lately I have been that way too. I wonder if it's lack of sleep, the fact that my back always hurts, something missing in my life, hormones. I just don't know but I'm really tired of it all around. I want to be happy, to live life to it's fullest and really appreciate everyone and everything around me. But day in and day out I find myself frowning and complaining about my day

I wrote the above the other morning. It was an emotional day for me. I started the day feeling grumpy. Then I had a coke, caffiene was good, made me happy. I guess even grumpy dwarf feels a lift when they have a soda. Then the caffiene wore off and while doing laundry I realized something. Above I mentioned something missing from my life. Well I figured it out. I'm lonely. It sounds funny, I guess that's why it's hard to realize. I mean I have my two children who are wonderful and with me all day, and a husband who is awesome. I couldn't have adked for a better one. But a girl needs friends, and that's something that I'm lacking. I have a few people I hang out with. They are good people. I enjoy thier company, but they aren't the sort of friend that I was accustomed to before I moved out here to Texas.

I don't know what qualifies a great friend. A sense of comfort I suppose. I have a lot of great friends, Jacqueline, Meghan, Jenelle, Rachael, none of which are here. They have known me all my life, and accept me for who I am. I know I'm an extreme personality, I come on strong, and I'm pretty bossy sometimes. But guess what, those people they don't mind. They realize that's me, and they don't take offense to it.

I have yet to find that sort of friend here. I have a friend G, she's great. We come from the same sort of background, came to Texas for the same reasons and we do have a lot in common. But she doesn't have children, and that makes things hard. Even though she's great and understands a lot more then even I could hope, she still can't comply commiserate with me. Plus of course she has a lot to do with work, and her own family.

I guess I can't expect much in adult friendships. We are all busy, and sitting around talking about nothing isn't a luxury any of us can afford.

So I'm a grumpy Gus, and I just wish I had some people to hang out with. Then maybe I wouldn't be so grumpy. Or maybe I'll just start drinking caffiene again, that seems to be an easier solution.