Really, ME, an ADULT

It occured to me today. I'm an adult. I'm responsible for other people. I don't know why I got to thinking this way. It was as though I was 10 years old again, daydreaming about what life would be like when I grew up. But when I came out of my daydream I realized. I am not 10, I am 26. I have children and a house and a husband. Me, in my 5 feet tall body, with my little kid features. It's scary. I wonder now if my mom ever felt this way. If she ever sat up and said, this is scary I'm in charge here. I'm sure she did. She after all was a single mom with no help. And I was a demanding child, my brother even more so. So she probably felt this way, and I was no help, sitting there complaining that I was hungry when there were little groceries in the house. Waiting for her to do her motherly magic and find something good for me to eat. And here I am now. Trying to find something for my son to eat. Creating meals that are not too icky, not to hard to make, when I would love nothing more than just to sit on the couch and wait for someone else to do it. But I can't do that, because it is now I who must be the magic mom. I remember something else. When I was in the third grade I was sliding on the playground. I looked out over the slide, it was one of those high curly ones. And I looked down from it and there was a shadow. It was my shadow of course, but not the shadow of that third grade little girl. My shadow looked older. My hair was longer. It was, I decided that day, a shadow of what I would be, how I would look when I was a grownup. When I was in my twenties. And here I am, the shadow, in real life. I wonder if I went outside if I could switch, and make the shadow of a little girl again? I guess not. So I will just have to get a grip on this reality, this thing that occured to me today. I am an adult, no longer being cared for by others who were older. It's hard to give up. But I will try my best to be the caretaker and stop thinking silly childish thoughts.